


i love you (ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?)

by twiceinamillion



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Joygi - Freeform, inspired by my own experiences with homophobia, seuljoy, what do you MEAN i have to write my own joygi content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22457380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twiceinamillion/pseuds/twiceinamillion
Summary: they're in love.that, they know.but no one else does.or: seulgi experiences indirect homophobia, and joy's there to comfort her.
Relationships: Kang Seulgi/Park Sooyoung | Joy
Comments: 3
Kudos: 42





	i love you (ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?)

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this instead of writing the sequel to a latte at 2. absolute genius. (go [check it out](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22048252/chapters/52619986), by the way :D)

joy and seulgi walk side by side down the hallway.

it’s pretty late, and although most people would already be studying in their dorms right now, the two walk slowly, seulgi occasionally drifting closer to the other girl.

they pass by a couple, holding hands, and she looks away awkwardly, reminded of all the things she can’t do with joy.

because they’re in love.

_but they can’t show it._

seulgi’s hand itches to hold joy’s, to feel the safety of her girlfriend’s warm hand and her thumb stroking her palm in that comforting rhythm she loves. she aches to hold onto joy’s arm like she’s her lifeline, she misses the younger (but taller) girl reaching a hand through her hair to ruffle it lovingly, she longs to lean into her, feel her body against hers…

but she knows she can’t.

why?

oh, she _knows_ why.

seulgi drifts closer to joy as they approach a group of boys (the same age as them, seulgi assumes) and her hand involuntarily bumps against joy’s.

acting on instinct, she moves her hand just a little, reaching out for her girlfriend’s, and her fingers graze the palm of joy’s hand for just a second, before the taller girl pulls it away ever so slightly and murmurs a playful “later” with a wink on her face.

she fidgets with the fabric of her skirt instead.

they walk past the boys, seulgi sticking close to joy as she does, and she looks away nervously as they walk past, because the boys in their school have a tendency to-

and just as she thinks that, one of the boys yells out in rage.

“shit!” he growls, gripping his phone tight, like he’s gonna smash it into the ground.

“some gay fucking dude just killed me!”

and the light drains from seulgi’s eyes.

because _this is exactly what she feared._

despite her efforts to seem normal and unconcerned, her shoulders sag ever so slightly, and her grip on her skirt grows tighter.

joy notices as her girlfriend clenches her fists, like she wants to beat them to the ground.

and maybe she does.

“it’s fine,” she whispers to her subtly, nudging her slightly with her hand, and seulgi looks up at her with eyes so hopeless joy wants to break down and cry.

“come on, i’ll… we’ll just get back to the dorms first.”

and joy takes seulgi’s palm in hers tenderly as she strides away from the group of boys, the link between them never breaking.

* * *

seulgi only relaxes when she reaches the door that leads to joy’s dorm.

it’s her safe place.

the only place where they can be in each other’s arms.

where they can love each other without anyone glaring at them, or yelling at them, or approaching them, fists balled, and-

_seulgi cuts off that thought like it’s a weed._

_(and maybe it is.)_

joy turns the handle of the door slowly as she opens the door and escorts seulgi in, putting a protective hand around her waist as she does.

she closes the door with a click as she steps in, and goes to her girlfriend, who’s already sitting on the bed, her eyes devoid of light, devoid of the sparkle inside that joy loves so much.

her heart hurts, seeing her girlfriend like this.

pushing down her pain, she bends down and sits beside seulgi, who leans on her, her head resting on joy’s shoulder.

and the tears start falling as seulgi speaks.

“i hate,” the older girl murmurs, her voice tear-choked and low, “i hate how everyone keeps using gay as an insult…”

“why does it have to mean bad things?”

“why does our love have to mean bad things?”

seulgi bites her lip as she pauses, and her tears trace a path down her cheeks, glistening as they fall down to the fabric below, turning it a darker shade.

“why do they have to hate us?”

she breaks down into sobs now, pressing her face into joy’s shoulder, her tears soaking into her girlfriend’s shirt, and joy’s arms wrap around her protectively.

“why can’t I have love?” seulgi cries.

“why can’t _we_ have love?”

“why can’t they just let us do what we want, together?”

“all I want,” she sobs, her voice muffled into joy’s shoulder.

“is to love you…”

and joy’s heart crumbles.

tears strain to break out of her eyes as she pulls the older girl closer, enveloping her in a warm hug, thinking _i’ll never let you go._

seulgi grips her tight, sobbing into her shoulder as joy holds her in her arms, and the older girl’s body shakes as she cries.

when they pull apart, seulgi’s looking downwards, and joy reaches out a hand, resting it under her girlfriend’s chin, lifting her head softly and slowly.

seulgi looks up into her eyes, her own shimmering with tears.

and joy’s heart wants to break at the sight.

instead she traces the outline of seulgi’s face softly and gently, and her hand rests on her girlfriend’s cheek as she speaks.

“seul…”

“i know you feel like this is the worst time of your life.”

“but trust me, when i say…”

“it will get better.”

“things won’t be like this forever.”

“so maybe…”

“one day…”

“we can love each other.”

“without anyone getting in the way.”

joy smiles comfortingly, the tears welling up in her eyes, as she continues.

“and maybe one day…”

“we can be happy.”

“ _together_.”

seulgi lets out a cry of happiness that sounds more like a laugh, and she melts into joy as they hug again and the younger girl traces her arm with gentle strokes.

and she thinks to herself, _everything’s okay._

…well…

she wants to believe everything’s okay, but…

but seulgi saw a lingering doubt in her girlfriend’s eyes, as she spoke.

and she knows joy doesn’t believe her own words.

seulgi wants to comfort her.

but how?

she doesn’t know how to comfort people. the only things she knows about it are from…

_from joy herself._

and seulgi realises what she has to do.

joy’s perfect at comforting people (just like how she did just now), so why not think of all the perfect things she does to comfort people and do just that?

_so what does joy do?_ seulgi thinks to herself.

when joy comforts her, she…

_she admits that the other person is sad._

“i know you don’t believe it either,” seulgi whispers.

_check._

_she makes eye contact._ **_loving eye contact._**

seulgi breaks the hug again and gazes into joy’s confused eyes. those beautiful eyes, always so bright, but tonight she can see the shred of hopelessness in them.

she wishes, so much, to see those eyes shine again.

and she will.

_check._

and, lastly…

_sooyoung speaks from her heart._

_and what does your heart really say?_ seulgi asks herself.

she looks inside her, searching for the hope that joy herself gave her so many times before.

and gathering her words, she speaks.

“i-i know,” she murmurs, trying and failing to keep the stutter out of her voice, “that you don’t believe it.”

“that the world will get better.”

“that they’ll stop hating us for who we love.”

“but…”

“but i believe it.”

“and it’s thanks to _you_ , that i do.”

“i wish that we could- that we could love each other without anyone hating us for it.”

“and i know that we can’t yet, and th-that’s why we can’t be open about our relationship, but…”

seulgi trails off, and her gaze parts from joy's face.

“but even then…”

“that won’t stop us from loving anyways.”

“so…”

“i love you, sooyoung.”

“and no one, and i mean _no one,_ is going to break us apart.”

“never.”

when seulgi finishes speaking she looks up at joy, her wide brown eyes a mix of feelings, hope and fear and love mixed into one.

and she watches…

as joy smiles.

“oh, seulgi…”

“you sound just like me.”

and seulgi collapses into her with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

joy laughs out loud in surprise and happiness, her own long-resisted tears already rolling down her cheeks, and her arms wrap around seulgi’s waist as they embrace tightly again.

seulgi melts into joy again, crying – but this time with happiness – as the younger girl slowly lowers her down into her lap, both arms still holding her tight. seulgi curls up in joy's embrace, her head resting on her girlfriend's thighs, and joy puts a hand on seulgi’s cheek again as she whispers, softly:

_“i love you too.”_

**Author's Note:**

> i hope yall liked this !! i came up with it after,,,, almost the same thing happened to me but they said something far, far worse. yikes
> 
> btw check out [my tumblr](https://2wice-in-a-million.tumblr.com) !! i post more of my writing there :)))


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